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Comments on "Tricks, No Treats." Vol. 37 Challenge submission requirements by AJZach.

Wow, you guys are doing well! The 250 told the identical story with half the words of the 500, and I didn't miss a thing! Normally, the 250 feels flat because it doesn't have the same development. Not this time! Great job with the exercise, AJZach. Isn't it interesting how you can tell a meaner, leaner story with less words? Like I said, if you keep doing this exercise, a change will happen in your regular short story writing. The words are going to come out of you leaner and meaner, because you've been working on this, you've been exercising these muscles. I think it's pretty amazing what you just did here in your YA story.

Two small pointers. Your dialog is excellent, no silly tags, very nice. Just keep "said" uniform. Not "said Bob" and "Bob said" all loosey goosey. One way. Dean Wesley Smith taught me this. Just say "Bob said." Always like that. Tags becomes invisible when you use said, and place it after the person tagged, in this case, Bob.

When the brother shows up at the end, you need a little more reveal right there, not just the dialog that says he shouldn't have done that. We need to see him from your protagonist's eyes, and feel the shock. Then, the talking head dialog isn't talking head dialog. It's his brother. He was playing a trick on him. As your title says.

Well done!

OH KEEPER OF RECORDS. AJZACH HAS PRESENTED HIS OFFERING UPON THE ALTAR. IT IS THE REQUIRED SACRIFICE AND HAS BEEN FAVORABLY RECEIVED. DRAW BLOOD AND SPLASH HIS NAME UPON THE ROSTER WALL! HE IS BOUND TO OUR WULF PACK IN OUR BROTHERHOOD BLOOD OATH!

Click here to JOIN THE WULF PACK!
"Super-Duper Moongirl and the Amazing Moon Dawdler" won Best SFF Story of 2019! Read it in Writers of the Future, Vol. 35. Order HERE!
Need writing help? My award-winning SUPER SECRETS articles are FREE in DreamForge.
IT’S HERE! Many have been begged me to publish the Super Secrets of Writing. How to Write a Howling Good Story is now a #1 BESTSELLING BOOK! Get yours at your favorite retailer HERE!

 
Posted : October 9, 2019 1:41 pm
(@ccrawford)
Posts: 263
Silver Member
 

You conceived me, deceiving yourself. Remember these lessons.” The spirit vanished.

Hmm. Arturo disrobed, stuffing his clothes with straw. From the shadows he yelled, “Guard! Someone died!”

The clank of the guard’s baton crescendoed.

Conception. The guard sighed, unlocked Arturo’s cell, and examined the straw man.

Arturo flung the coins.

Deception. He pounced, seized the baton, and incapacitated the guard.

Time to seek his love.

I think your 250-word rewrite made these lines feel even stronger, and I like how the concepts of conception and deception come together even in how Arturo comes up with his escape plan via the spirit speaking to him -- "You conceived me, deceiving yourself." Very intriguing! And I like the concise "Time to seek his love" ending line. I enjoyed reading this!

Side note: That "You conceived me, deceiving yourself" is pretty much the argument my characters have with me every time I'm like "Why are you doing all these things?! I never told you to do that!" wotf019

v35: Q4 - HM
V36: R, R, R, R
V37: SHM, HM, HM, SHM
V38: SHM, HM, HM, HM
V39: HM, R, SHM, HM
Indie author of The Lex Chronicles (Legends of Arameth), and the in-progress Leyward Stones series--including my serial, Macchiatos, Faerie Princes, and Other Things That Happen at Midnight, currently available on Kindle Vella.
Website: http://ccrawfordwriting.com. I also have a newsletter and a blog!
Short story "Our Kind" published in DreamForge Anvil, Issue #5, and also "One Shot at Aeden" published in DreamForge Anvil, Issue #7!

 
Posted : October 9, 2019 1:46 pm
(@ccrawford)
Posts: 263
Silver Member
 

I'm in!

My original was 990 words, and I really wondered how it would fare when I cut it in half... I doubted I'd even be ABLE to cut it down to 250. Yet, here we are! These aren't perfect but I learned a lot from doing this!

(Prompt: Deception)

500-word version:

Setting Stars (497 words)

The portal snapped shut as Balac stepped over the bodies. Orchid-scent wafted toward him – Mala seemed to have a natural gift for keeping things alive, even on this barren planet – mixed with the tang of strong coffee from the open window. Home.

He took in the overgrown vines and drooping flowers as the strengthening stench of burnt coffee stung his nostrils. Mala never burns coffee.

The joy of return soured in Balac’s gut. The years of investing his singularly-destructive magic in service of a cause – and a solid retirement – had finally paid off... but this wasn’t the future he’d imagined.

He forced his feet forward.

Mala turned as he entered. “Balac! You’re home.” Her deep violet eyes focused on him as she smiled, but he noted how she leaned into the table for support, how her lips quivered at the edges.

He eased the pot of coffee from her trembling hand and pulled out a chair. “Here, sit.”

She sank into it, wincing.

So pale.

She glanced away. “I hate for you to see me like this.”

“You’re beautiful.”

She huffed. “I’ve never looked worse, but still better than you.”

He smiled at the glimpse of her usual spark. “What can I do?”

“The plants need tending.”

He kissed her forehead and grabbed the watering can from beside the door.

“Mind the purple one!” she called.

Balac slipped outside. The purple orchid was the only flower not wilted, so Balac set to work tending the others, remembering how Mala used to fuss over how he pruned and watered. These plants were the only children they’d been able to have.

He knelt, careful not to crush anything important, and began stripping weeds from the beds. Soil ground deep beneath his fingernails and into the folds of his knuckles, oddly satisfying – a far cry from what usually covered his hands.

Dual stars slipped past the horizon, casting the yard in a greenish hue. Balac’s knees popped as he ambled toward the last flower bed.

The purple orchid stood tall, despite weeds attempting to strangle it. The flower reminded him so much of Mala herself, the proud way it held itself, the tilt of its face, even the color of its petals – the same violet as her eyes. As he weeded and watered it, the plant soaked in his attention, the purple seeming to deepen to a richer hue. He swore he even heard it let out a little sigh –

Mala would be pleased; she had a strange attachment to this flower. Though her health and her energy to tend it had faded, this orchid had thrived all the more...

Balac froze.

Something clattered within the house.

Balac dropped the watering can and rushed inside. A dark shape slumped on the floor. “Mala!” He gathered her into his arms.

Her eyes fluttered open, and Balac gasped. Watery, violet-gray irises peered up at him.

“Mala, what have you done?”

She gave him a weak smile. “Now we’ll have plenty of time.”

250-word version:

Setting Stars (248 words)

The portal snapped shut as Balac stepped over the bodies. Orchid-scent wafted toward him. Home.

He took in the overgrown vines and drooping flowers, and the joy of return soured in his gut. Finally, retirement, after years of investing his singularly-destructive magic to a greater cause... but this wasn’t the future he’d imagined.

“You’re home.” Mala’s violet eyes found him but her smile quivered at the edges. She sank into a chair, winced, then glanced away. “I hate for you to see me like this.”

“You’re beautiful.”

“Never looked worse,” she huffed, “but better than you.”

A glimpse of her usual spark. “What can I do?”

“Plants need tending.”

Balac kissed her forehead and slipped outside.

“Mind the purple one!” she called.

Balac knelt, careful not to crush anything important, and began stripping weeds. The soil crushed into in his knuckles and fingernails felt oddly satisfying – unlike what usually covered his hands.

Dual stars slipped past the horizon, tinting the world green. Balac’s knees popped as he ambled toward the last flower bed.

The purple orchid stood proud despite weeds attempting to strangle it, so much like Mala herself. As Balac weeded and watered, the plant seemed to straighten and its violet petals deepened to a richer hue. Balac swore he even heard it let out a little sigh –

Something clattered inside the house.

Balac rushed inside to the slumped form on the floor. “Mala!”

Watery, violet-gray irises peered up at him. “Now we’ll have plenty of time.”

v35: Q4 - HM
V36: R, R, R, R
V37: SHM, HM, HM, SHM
V38: SHM, HM, HM, HM
V39: HM, R, SHM, HM
Indie author of The Lex Chronicles (Legends of Arameth), and the in-progress Leyward Stones series--including my serial, Macchiatos, Faerie Princes, and Other Things That Happen at Midnight, currently available on Kindle Vella.
Website: http://ccrawfordwriting.com. I also have a newsletter and a blog!
Short story "Our Kind" published in DreamForge Anvil, Issue #5, and also "One Shot at Aeden" published in DreamForge Anvil, Issue #7!

 
Posted : October 9, 2019 2:04 pm
(@wulfmoon)
Posts: 3143
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Topic starter
 

Comments on "A Mother's Lies." Challenge submission requirement by SwiftPotato.

This was interesting, along with your explanation of what happened through it, Swift. What I see here is you actually exploring someone called a Deceiver. You have developed a world of truth, and someone that has the power to enable them to lie. Why would they need to lie in this world? Well, you just showed us a reason--for a mother to keep her son's heart from breaking. I feel through your 1000 before this, and then the 500 we see here, you discovered who this lady the Deceiver was, her function in society, and how she performed it. Loved the smell of cookies telltale, and the sad fresh-turned earth. Strong images.

Your 250 actually focused on the Deceiver. She became your protagonist, not the boy. And those opening few lines are dynamite. If I were the judge, I'd read on if that was the opening to a WotF story. They employ strong voice and great worldbuilding in just a few lines. There's hooks, too. Why is the village cursed to tell truth? Why is it just fine they call her the Mother of Deception? Nobody likes a term like that, and yet she doesn't mind. This sounds like an interesting character. I want to read more.

You'll want to write more. She will worm her way in your subconscious, and eventually, she will demand you write her story.

Very good job of refocusing through use of the exercise. That's exactly what it's supposed to make you do when you have to get to the 250 level. You found something more fascinating than the story you started out to tell. It's still the story, but we have a new facet. Well done!

OH KEEPER OF RECORDS, oh, sorry to yell in your ear, that would be YOU. You know the drill. Your blood on the Wall of Oaths. Your offering has been accepted. WELCOME TO THE WULF PACK, SWIFTPOTATO!

Click here to JOIN THE WULF PACK!
"Super-Duper Moongirl and the Amazing Moon Dawdler" won Best SFF Story of 2019! Read it in Writers of the Future, Vol. 35. Order HERE!
Need writing help? My award-winning SUPER SECRETS articles are FREE in DreamForge.
IT’S HERE! Many have been begged me to publish the Super Secrets of Writing. How to Write a Howling Good Story is now a #1 BESTSELLING BOOK! Get yours at your favorite retailer HERE!

 
Posted : October 9, 2019 2:11 pm
Retropianoplayer
(@retropianoplayer)
Posts: 233
Bronze Star Member
 

Both of these were written under the prompt DECEPTION. (Special acknowledgment for my daughter's computer skills)

LEFT DOOR (500 words)
I wait with my twin sister Greta on the mat by the front door in our rain slickers and boots. Outside, on the Unter Den Linden, it’s another rainy and dreary autumn day. The downpour began when I ran out of the house to our postal carrier and grabbed the mail. It hasn’t let up since. That was when I handed Mama the official envelope. Now it’s time to go.

Mama’s body is drooped, her head bowed. “I won’t be at the audition.”

I pretend I’m surprised. “You’re not allowed?”

She places her fingers gently against her throat. “No.”

“It’s okay, Mama.” I hug her.

She reaches down and scoops up two wooden picnic baskets. “Packed these.”

“We already had lunch, Mama.” Greta seems confused.

I shoot her a look to be quiet, but it’s too late.

“Thanks.” I take them and give one to Greta.

“One for darling Frieda. Darling Greta.”

My sister looks baffled. “Why are you carrying a suitcase?”

“I need to speak with the police about some small matter.” She waves a hand dismissively.

Greta squishes the toes of her boots on the mat. “When is Papa coming home?”

“Soon. Soon.” Mother closes her eyes and pats us on our rain hats. “You both were chosen for your musical ability. I’m so proud.”

I don’t know if she’s telling the truth. I can’t remember the last time I was in hospital for a music recital. But I don’t think the acoustics are so good.

*

The waiting room is filled with twin girls. It has a fancy door to the left of the nursing station. A plain one on the right. The gray-haired woman in the white uniform appears strict. She pushes the glass partition aside. There’s a vase of white lilies on her desk. “All girls will get a chance.” Slides it shut.

We’ve been here ninety minutes. The others longer.

My sister scoops a magazine off the table. “Why do they hold auditions inside a hospital?”

I stare at my violin case. “I don’t know.”

“None of the others have returned.”

“Maybe they’re still performing.”

Nurse pokes her head through. “Anna. Hilda.” A different pair of twins. Blonde hair. Blue eyes. Both look about nine. “Left door, please. Take your instruments. All auditions are through the left door.”

Each takes the other’s hand. Their footsteps become muted.

The partition opens. “You two.” These girls are older. About fifteen. They wear identical burgundy hats and wool coats. “Left door, please.” She waters her lilies with a metal watering pot.

Frieda opens the latch of her case and glances inside. “I forgot to pack my clarinet.” She looks troubled.

“They must have spares.”

“You two are last,” Nurse jubilantly calls out. Her smile is pleasant. “He always saves the best for last.”

“Come with me, silly.” I grab Greta’s hand. “Ask for a spare clarinet.”

Nurse scribbles in her ledger.

On the door, words are embossed in gold on the frosted pane. “JOSEF MENGELE, M.D.”

THE END

LEFT DOOR (246 words)
The waiting room is filled with twin girls. It has a fancy door to the left of the nursing station. A plain one on the right. The gray-haired woman in the white uniform appears strict. She pushes the glass partition aside. There’s a vase of white lilies on her desk. “All girls will get a chance.” Slides it shut.

We’ve been here ninety minutes. The others longer.

My sister scoops a magazine off the table. “Why do they hold auditions inside a hospital?”

I stare at my violin case. “I don’t know.”

“None of the others have returned.”

“Maybe they’re still performing.”

Nurse pokes her head through. “Anna. Hilda.” A different pair of twins. Blonde hair. Blue eyes. Both look about nine. “Left door, please. Take your instruments. All auditions are through the left door.”

Each takes the other’s hand. Their footsteps become muted.

The partition opens. “You two.” These girls are older. About fifteen. They wear identical burgundy hats and wool coats. “Left door, please.” She waters her lilies with a metal watering pot.

Frieda opens the latch of her case and glances inside. “I forgot to pack my clarinet.” She looks troubled.

“They must have spares.”

“You two are last,” Nurse jubilantly calls out. Her smile is pleasant. “He always saves the best for last.”

“Come with me, silly.” I grab Greta’s hand. “Ask for a spare clarinet.”

Nurse scribbles in her ledger.

On the door, words are embossed in gold on the frosted pane. “JOSEF MENGELE, M.D.”

THE END

 
Posted : October 9, 2019 2:33 pm
SwiftPotato
(@swiftpotato)
Posts: 585
Silver Star Member
 

OH KEEPER OF RECORDS. AJZACH HAS PRESENTED HER OFFERING UPON THE ALTAR. IT IS THE REQUIRED SACRIFICE AND HAS BEEN FAVORABLY RECEIVED. DRAW BLOOD AND SPLASH HER NAME UPON THE ROSTER WALL! SHE IS BOUND TO OUR WULF PACK IN OUR BROTHERHOOD BLOOD OATH!

The whispers grow louder and you jerk awake from your half-sleep, the lantern swinging in your hand. You return to the wall and watch as the phantom hand draws a new blood oath: AJZACH.

OH KEEPER OF RECORDS, oh, sorry to yell in your ear, that would be YOU. You know the drill. Your blood on the Wall of Oaths. Your offering has been accepted. WELCOME TO THE WULF PACK, SWIFTPOTATO!

New blood drawn while the last name is still fresh. This time a sort of lumpy oval. And are those...motion lines? You scratch your head and hold your lantern closer. Boy, you think, that is one SWIFTPOTATO.

Joking aside, thanks for the critique, Moon. I'm glad to know the story came across in so few words, as well as the reasoning behind my switch in protagonist!

R, 3rd place Q4 v36!!!
Stories in Apocalyptic, Cossmass Infinites x2! PodCastle, Spirit Machine; forthcoming in Beneath Ceaseless Skies, Apex Magazine, Human Monsters

 
Posted : October 9, 2019 2:36 pm
(@wulfmoon)
Posts: 3143
Platinum Plus Moderator
Topic starter
 

Comments on "Setting Stars." Volume 37 Challenge submission requirement by CCrawford.

This one too appears to tell virtually the same story in half the space. That's a vital trick, and an important lesson to learn. You tossed out half, and we never lost the baby with the bath water! You use nice sensory details as well, like how his hands feel in the dirt. It takes skill to lose 50% and still tell the same story. Well done!

A few points. The coming through the portal as he steps over bodies is confusing. It sounds like they are on his home side, and they aren't, I believe. Don't lose your readers wondering about details. Make them short, clear, and precise. I like the idea of orchids having scent, but I've never smelled any scent from orchids, I must be sniffing the wrong ones. But I'm betting this sensory cue won't work for others as well, as we don't think of orchids and their scent. Rose? Yes. Jasmine? For sure. The scent of vanilla, or nutmeg, or cinnamon? Oh, yes. But orchid-scent just doesn't ring a bell for me. So be sure your sensory details evoke scent memories in your readers mind, or they might stop in the reading and sound like a minion saying, "Whaaaa?" : )

Clearer scene setting will help embed us in this tale. Figuring out how to do that in compressed space is always hard, but it's still vital. So think of that with your next. I understand that her life force is passing into the orchid, but I do not understand how that will give them more time. If she was putting her soul into an oak tree, I could understand, they live a long time and that makes the ending make sense. But you need to hint at why the orchid will be around, and how they will be together through it, I believe. So the ending line has more meaning.

That's my opinion. Opinions are like noses, everyone has one. Do with it what you will. But excellent job telling the same tale in half the words.

OH KEEPER OF THE RECORDS, CCRAWFORD HAS PRESENTED HER OFFERING, AND IS READY TO SEAL HER NAME WITH BLOOD ON THE ROSTER WALL! BIND HER WITH HER PROMISE! (Unless of course, she has her baby, and she needs a quarter's maternity leave. We offer that at this establishment, I'm sure we do. Check the fine print at the bottom of the wall, my eyes are not what they used to be!)

Click here to JOIN THE WULF PACK!
"Super-Duper Moongirl and the Amazing Moon Dawdler" won Best SFF Story of 2019! Read it in Writers of the Future, Vol. 35. Order HERE!
Need writing help? My award-winning SUPER SECRETS articles are FREE in DreamForge.
IT’S HERE! Many have been begged me to publish the Super Secrets of Writing. How to Write a Howling Good Story is now a #1 BESTSELLING BOOK! Get yours at your favorite retailer HERE!

 
Posted : October 9, 2019 4:30 pm
(@wulfmoon)
Posts: 3143
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Topic starter
 

Comments on "Left Door." Challenge submission requirements by Retropianoplayer.

Hats off to the tech savvy daughter! : ) So we have a mystery about twins. The mother makes it in the 500, and is cut from the 250. Your dialogue is clean and professional. I don't see any tags, and that shows real skill. We always know who is talking, and the dialogue has good beats, natural rhythm. It's your strength, so keep playing to it.There is mystery here, and some uncertainty which compels us to read on. We don't know what's up with the mother, but she's uncomfortable and knows something the children do not.

The 250 looks like you just clipped off the opening scene. It does work as such, but we still don't know what's actually going on behind the left door. Don't leave us in the dark, especially in a piece this short. And there is no apparent magical or SF element in either piece. Magic up front is a Super Secret. This is a speculative fiction contest, and we are selling to spec fic markets. This feels a bit like setup for WW2 experiments in camps on twins. That works--IF you have a speculative element. So do keep in mind Magic Up Front in the future. And if you try the exercise again, I will suggest not just cutting away a scene, but try to envision a new way to look at what you have as you go into the 250.

Again, EXCELLENT dialogue. And thank you for providing your 500 and 250. We look forward to your fellowship in the challenge!

KEEPER OF THE RECORDS, RETROPIANOPLAYER HAS PRESENTED HIS OFFERING. BIND HIS NAME IN BLOOD ON THE ROSTER WALL!

Click here to JOIN THE WULF PACK!
"Super-Duper Moongirl and the Amazing Moon Dawdler" won Best SFF Story of 2019! Read it in Writers of the Future, Vol. 35. Order HERE!
Need writing help? My award-winning SUPER SECRETS articles are FREE in DreamForge.
IT’S HERE! Many have been begged me to publish the Super Secrets of Writing. How to Write a Howling Good Story is now a #1 BESTSELLING BOOK! Get yours at your favorite retailer HERE!

 
Posted : October 9, 2019 5:21 pm
(@officer)
Posts: 111
Bronze Star Member
 

Becky/RSchibler - thanks for the feedback! Agreed on all points. The first darlings I killed were dialogue tags and, regrettably, Prince Dinkerhump (okay, he never graced my screen). I might have shifted the "magic sword" earlier on my own (I made that edit in the story I submitted to WotF last quarter). However, I hadn't considered adding time pressure. That's really insightful: Why now? Why should the reader care? Fortunately, I have that element in my other stories (phew, thanks, subconscious).

CCrawford - thanks for the encouragement! I honestly wish my characters would break plots more... characterization is my weakest link (I'm working on it!). On "Setting Stars" - I really liked your imagery. Descriptive without being flowery, even about flowers. One small comment on killing "sense"-word darlings. I've found it difficult to remove words like "seemed" from my own writing because the POV character is observing something she may know to be incorrect. But it distances the reader from the observation, which is more noticeable in other people's writing than our own. You removed two "seems" in your reduction but added another in the 250-word. I would kill it! (the plant seemed to straighten -> the plant straightened?) You may disagree since it is less accurate. But it flows better. wotf017 The struggle is real.

Moon - thanks for taking the time to respond to each of us Wulf pups! We can't let you down when you are so involved. I am absolutely submitting a fresh story to WotF each quarter. As well as all the requirements/goals of the Wulf Pack. The contest is what inspired me to try short fiction, and winning is our objective (to follow in your paw tracks). I'd sooner attend the WotF workshop than sell a story. Right now I am thinking about last quarter's entry like Schrodinger's cat - maybe it's an R, maybe something better... if it's a winner, I need to sell my next. I would love to have a few more cats in boxes at the same time, especially if I can break the WotF "conventions" for them (e.g., I love unreliable narrators, but I'm not strong enough yet to overcome the judges' bias against first person).

I intended to kill my flash story after posting - I was just looking at it as an exercise - but I deceived myself. It inspired some worthwhile ideas by forcing me to write something wholly new. I don't think expanding the plot of the flash will beat the other stories I have brewing (especially the one I wrote in the last week). But the definition of magic might inspire something better. I'll come back to it in a few weeks and see. Good advice.

Cheers,
Ari

HM, R, HM~, R, R, SHM*, HM, R, HM**, HM, ?, ?
~"Music from the Stars"
* Finalist, 2021 Baen Fantasy Adventure Award
**"Speculation," Brave New Worlds (Zombies Need Brains, Aug 2022)

 
Posted : October 9, 2019 5:28 pm
(@peter_glen)
Posts: 143
Bronze Star Member
 

995 words done ... keeping with deception although the setting couldn't be further from the last attempt ... will let it sit for a day before the word-cull.

 
Posted : October 9, 2019 9:45 pm
SwiftPotato
(@swiftpotato)
Posts: 585
Silver Star Member
 

OH KEEPER OF THE RECORDS, CCRAWFORD HAS PRESENTED HER OFFERING, AND IS READY TO SEAL HER NAME WITH BLOOD ON THE ROSTER WALL! BIND HER WITH HER PROMISE! (Unless of course, she has her baby, and she needs a quarter's maternity leave. We offer that at this establishment, I'm sure we do. Check the fine print at the bottom of the wall, my eyes are not what they used to be!)

You wake again, grumbling, as the whispers crescendo once more. As you rub sleep from your eyes, the flickering firelight reveals a new word in splashes of fresh blood: CCRAWFORD. Beneath it, in tiny writing, it says something about maternity leave. Can a cave wall even have fine print?

KEEPER OF THE RECORDS, RETROPIANOPLAYER HAS PRESENTED HIS OFFERING. BIND HIS NAME IN BLOOD ON THE ROSTER WALL!

Below the fine print, a new word is already being scrawled. You hear the echoes of piano keys plinking deep within the cave as you read the new word: RETROPIANOPLAYER.

(Don't worry, y'all - I'm keeping a real roster on the side and will post it when the entries aren't coming in so fast. In the meantime, if you plan to take the extra flash per month challenge as well as the two shorts per quarter challenge, please say so here so that it can be tracked in the roster.)

R, 3rd place Q4 v36!!!
Stories in Apocalyptic, Cossmass Infinites x2! PodCastle, Spirit Machine; forthcoming in Beneath Ceaseless Skies, Apex Magazine, Human Monsters

 
Posted : October 9, 2019 11:50 pm
Retropianoplayer
(@retropianoplayer)
Posts: 233
Bronze Star Member
 

Constructive criticism noted and will be applied in futuro.

Swift Potato, as per your query, I'm in for a flash piece monthly, and two fresh stories quarterly.

On a bright note, I think I've learned how to use emojis, how to copy and paste onto WOTF FORUM posts, and how to highlight titles and click BOLD.

I also believe if any of the Wulf Pack ever makes it onto that stage with the tuxedos and gowns, (I still believe GIRL IN THE GLASSES will be first as her writing style appears to resonate and find traction with the judges), the winner should pay tribute to what Wulf is doing here in their acceptance speech. A shout-out I'm sure would be appreciated by him, even though Wulf would probably think it's not necessary.

Best,

Retropianoplayer

 
Posted : October 10, 2019 2:55 am
storysinger
(@storysinger)
Posts: 1503
Platinum Plus
 

Jenna’s Deception

The puter pinged.
Tommy chugged the last of the cereal and milk from his bowl before shouting down the hall, “Mommy you got’s a message.”

From the bathroom Jenna said, “I’ll be right there.”
Entering the kitchen she poured a cup of coffee and ruffled Tommy’s hair before approaching her laptop.

With shaking fingers she touched the screen to view her emails.
One word, TODAY! Like a punch to the gut it took her breath and brought tears to her eyes.

The price for Tommy’s existence had come due.
The clinic that had grown him from her deceased husbands’ DNA had finally billed her for their service.

Thanks to an immaculate deception everyone swore she had carried her baby full term.
Closing all the windows she activated the artificial activity video screens she had installed on every window in the house.
Anyone looking at the house would see Jenna and Tommy moving about the interior of the home.

In a closet in Tommy’s nursery she accessed a door that led to an abandoned mine with connections to a local subway.
Attaching a harness to Tommy she lowered him through the opening. “Put your hands on the ladder and climb down baby boy, I’ll be right above you.”
“Are we going to have an adventure mommy?” he asked excitedly?”
Jenna said, “Who knows, we’ll see.”

At the bottom of the tunnel she retrieved a stuffed backpack she’d stashed there in anticipation of this day.
Taking Tommy’s hand she headed for a branching tunnel that exited the system near the local reservoir.
A man’s baritone voice spoke from the darkness, “Well now, what have we here? Are you here to harvest mushrooms or just to keep me company?”
Jenna froze, “I didn’t know anybody was here. I don’t want any mushrooms or your company. I just want to go away from here.”

The man approached Jenna reaching for her arm.
Pushing Tommy to the side Jenna brought her foot up between the man’s legs with enough force it lifted him off the floor.

Jenna took Tommy’s hand and hurried past the disabled creep.
Scurrying rats and dripping water added to the clamminess of the corridor sending a shudder of revulsion through Jenna.

Attaching the leash to the harness Tommy wore Jenna pulled him behind her as she climbed from the subway to the exit above.
The opening was covered with a grill made of welded rebar. Jenna removed the retaining bolts with a wrench from her backpack.
Removing three retaining bolts she squeezed through the opening pulling Tommy after her.

Suddenly a large net fell from above pinning Jenna and Tommy to the ground.
Identical clones slid down the bank from above and stood on the edges of the net.

Jenna screamed, “He’s mine! He’s all I have. Don’t take my baby.”
Raising the edge of the net one of the clones sliced the leash.
Grabbing Tommy he turned and left with the others leaving Jenna alone and crying.
Finis

Today's science fiction is tomorrow's reality-D.R.Sweeney
HM x5
Published Poetry
2012 Stars in Our Hearts
Silver Ships

 
Posted : October 10, 2019 3:22 am
storysinger
(@storysinger)
Posts: 1503
Platinum Plus
 

That story is exactly 500 words according to my program. It's not a magic story as much as a near future one.
Here's the 250. Jenna’s Deception

“Mommy your puter pinged.”
Jenna yelled, “I’m coming.”

With trembling fingers she brought up her email.
One word, TODAY!

The clinic that had grown Tommy from her deceased husbands’ DNA had finally billed her for their service.
She had to get away before they came for their payment.

An access door in Tommy’s closet led to an abandoned mine connecting to a local subway.
“Put your hands on the ladder and climb down baby boy, I’ll be right below you.”

“Are we going to have an adventure mommy?” he asked?”
Jenna replied, “Who knows, we’ll see.”

At the bottom of the tunnel she retrieved a stuffed backpack she’d stashed there earlier.
Taking Tommy’s hand she headed for the tunnel that exited near the reservoir.

A man spoke from the darkness, “Well, a pretty and her boy here in the dark.”
The man reached for Jenna’s arm.

Pushing Tommy to the side Jenna brought her foot up between his legs dropping him in place.
Jenna took Tommy’s hand and made her way past the disabled creep.

At the opening to the reservoir Jenna squeezed through pulling Tommy after her.
Suddenly a large net fell from above pinning them to the ground.

Identical clones slid down the bank and stood on the edges of the net.
Jenna screamed, “He’s mine! Please don’t take my baby.”

Raising the edge of the net one of the clones reached for the boy.
Grabbing Tommy he turned and left with the others.

The End

Today's science fiction is tomorrow's reality-D.R.Sweeney
HM x5
Published Poetry
2012 Stars in Our Hearts
Silver Ships

 
Posted : October 10, 2019 3:31 am
SwiftPotato
(@swiftpotato)
Posts: 585
Silver Star Member
 

Swift Potato, as per your query, I'm in for a flash piece monthly, and two fresh stories quarterly.

On a bright note, I think I've learned how to use emojis, how to copy and paste onto WOTF FORUM posts, and how to highlight titles and click BOLD.

Noted, thanks! And let us know if you need any more forum help, I'm sure someone will be able to answer any questions you've got!

R, 3rd place Q4 v36!!!
Stories in Apocalyptic, Cossmass Infinites x2! PodCastle, Spirit Machine; forthcoming in Beneath Ceaseless Skies, Apex Magazine, Human Monsters

 
Posted : October 10, 2019 3:41 am
SwiftPotato
(@swiftpotato)
Posts: 585
Silver Star Member
 

My claws curled inside my shoes.

Yo, I wanna make sure you know that this line GOT me. I wanted to know more immediately. It gave me those "oh MAN this is gonna be good" shivers.

R, 3rd place Q4 v36!!!
Stories in Apocalyptic, Cossmass Infinites x2! PodCastle, Spirit Machine; forthcoming in Beneath Ceaseless Skies, Apex Magazine, Human Monsters

 
Posted : October 10, 2019 3:45 am
(@wulfmoon)
Posts: 3143
Platinum Plus Moderator
Topic starter
 

My claws curled inside my shoes.

Yo, I wanna make sure you know that this line GOT me. I wanted to know more immediately. It gave me those "oh MAN this is gonna be good" shivers.

That one line put the Secret MAGIC UP FRONT in play. Without it, this would have only opened as a teen date story, and Dave would have quickly rejected it. That line kept you reading, because something unreal happened. Fantasy element.

Remember this, all.

Click here to JOIN THE WULF PACK!
"Super-Duper Moongirl and the Amazing Moon Dawdler" won Best SFF Story of 2019! Read it in Writers of the Future, Vol. 35. Order HERE!
Need writing help? My award-winning SUPER SECRETS articles are FREE in DreamForge.
IT’S HERE! Many have been begged me to publish the Super Secrets of Writing. How to Write a Howling Good Story is now a #1 BESTSELLING BOOK! Get yours at your favorite retailer HERE!

 
Posted : October 10, 2019 6:06 am
(@ccrawford)
Posts: 263
Silver Member
 

Wulf, thank you for the feedback! You are so right about the orchids and I'm not sure why my brain assigned them a scent they probably don't actually have. Lol. If I ever do something further with this piece, I will tackle that as well as the scene setting clarity and your feedback on the ending line.

Officer, thank you for your comments on my piece as well.

SwiftPotato, thanks for officially adding me to the roster wall! Also, I do plan to take on the additional flash per month challenge alongside the 2 stories per quarter, pending how the whole fine-print-maternity-leave shakes out. Smile

v35: Q4 - HM
V36: R, R, R, R
V37: SHM, HM, HM, SHM
V38: SHM, HM, HM, HM
V39: HM, R, SHM, HM
Indie author of The Lex Chronicles (Legends of Arameth), and the in-progress Leyward Stones series--including my serial, Macchiatos, Faerie Princes, and Other Things That Happen at Midnight, currently available on Kindle Vella.
Website: http://ccrawfordwriting.com. I also have a newsletter and a blog!
Short story "Our Kind" published in DreamForge Anvil, Issue #5, and also "One Shot at Aeden" published in DreamForge Anvil, Issue #7!

 
Posted : October 10, 2019 9:20 am
SwiftPotato
(@swiftpotato)
Posts: 585
Silver Star Member
 

Got you down for the extra credit, CCrawford Smile don't worry. Despite the mildly horrifying writing medium, the cave is forgiving of those with babies to have and such.

R, 3rd place Q4 v36!!!
Stories in Apocalyptic, Cossmass Infinites x2! PodCastle, Spirit Machine; forthcoming in Beneath Ceaseless Skies, Apex Magazine, Human Monsters

 
Posted : October 10, 2019 10:23 am
(@ajzach)
Posts: 105
Bronze Star Member
 

Comments on "Tricks, No Treats." Vol. 37 Challenge submission requirements by AJZach.

Wow, you guys are doing well! The 250 told the identical story with half the words of the 500, and I didn't miss a thing! Normally, the 250 feels flat because it doesn't have the same development. Not this time! Great job with the exercise, AJZach. Isn't it interesting how you can tell a meaner, leaner story with less words? Like I said, if you keep doing this exercise, a change will happen in your regular short story writing. The words are going to come out of you leaner and meaner, because you've been working on this, you've been exercising these muscles. I think it's pretty amazing what you just did here in your YA story.

Two small pointers. Your dialog is excellent, no silly tags, very nice. Just keep "said" uniform. Not "said Bob" and "Bob said" all loosey goosey. One way. Dean Wesley Smith taught me this. Just say "Bob said." Always like that. Tags becomes invisible when you use said, and place it after the person tagged, in this case, Bob.

When the brother shows up at the end, you need a little more reveal right there, not just the dialog that says he shouldn't have done that. We need to see him from your protagonist's eyes, and feel the shock. Then, the talking head dialog isn't talking head dialog. It's his brother. He was playing a trick on him. As your title says.

Well done!

OH KEEPER OF RECORDS. AJZACH HAS PRESENTED HIS OFFERING UPON THE ALTAR. IT IS THE REQUIRED SACRIFICE AND HAS BEEN FAVORABLY RECEIVED. DRAW BLOOD AND SPLASH HIS NAME UPON THE ROSTER WALL! HE IS BOUND TO OUR WULF PACK IN OUR BROTHERHOOD BLOOD OATH!

Thanks for the comments Wulf Moon!

Really impressed with the stories people are posting!

I'm actually female, but I realize my user name is misleading. That's what you get for using pet names!

V35: R, R, R
V36: R, HM, R, HM
V37: HM, R, SF, HM
V38: HM, HM, HM, SHM
V39: HM, HM, SHM, RWC
V40: HM, SHM, HM, SHM
V41: RWC, ?
"The Soul of Trees" published in Third Flatiron's Things With Feathers: Stories of Hope

 
Posted : October 10, 2019 11:37 am
SwiftPotato
(@swiftpotato)
Posts: 585
Silver Star Member
 

I'm actually female, but I realize my user name is misleading. That's what you get for using pet names!

No worries - changed the pronouns in your official cave-wall-daubing for posterity 😉

R, 3rd place Q4 v36!!!
Stories in Apocalyptic, Cossmass Infinites x2! PodCastle, Spirit Machine; forthcoming in Beneath Ceaseless Skies, Apex Magazine, Human Monsters

 
Posted : October 10, 2019 11:54 am
(@ajzach)
Posts: 105
Bronze Star Member
 

Thanks for that SwiftPotato!

Also, I think I will do the monthly flash challenge, so mark me down on the list please!

V35: R, R, R
V36: R, HM, R, HM
V37: HM, R, SF, HM
V38: HM, HM, HM, SHM
V39: HM, HM, SHM, RWC
V40: HM, SHM, HM, SHM
V41: RWC, ?
"The Soul of Trees" published in Third Flatiron's Things With Feathers: Stories of Hope

 
Posted : October 10, 2019 12:39 pm
SwiftPotato
(@swiftpotato)
Posts: 585
Silver Star Member
 

Thanks for that SwiftPotato!

Also, I think I will do the monthly flash challenge, so mark me down on the list please!

Got it!

R, 3rd place Q4 v36!!!
Stories in Apocalyptic, Cossmass Infinites x2! PodCastle, Spirit Machine; forthcoming in Beneath Ceaseless Skies, Apex Magazine, Human Monsters

 
Posted : October 10, 2019 12:45 pm
(@wulfmoon)
Posts: 3143
Platinum Plus Moderator
Topic starter
 

Constructive criticism noted and will be applied in futuro.

Swift Potato, as per your query, I'm in for a flash piece monthly, and two fresh stories quarterly.

On a bright note, I think I've learned how to use emojis, how to copy and paste onto WOTF FORUM posts, and how to highlight titles and click BOLD.

I also believe if any of the Wulf Pack ever makes it onto that stage with the tuxedos and gowns, (I still believe GIRL IN THE GLASSES will be first as her writing style appears to resonate and find traction with the judges), the winner should pay tribute to what Wulf is doing here in their acceptance speech. A shout-out I'm sure would be appreciated by him, even though Wulf would probably think it's not necessary.

Best,

Retropianoplayer

You are too cool for school, Retro. : ) Thanks for everything here! And I agree, with two FINALIST placings under her belt, thegirlintheglasses shows every sign of being able to hit that bullseye again. Very pleased she's in our ranks, along with all of you! And I owe her, she was in my eight finalist set in Q4 last year. Not once has she ever made me feel bad, or showed a hint of jealousy. Stellar lady! A true blue Forumite and Challenge Beastie!

Cheers!

Click here to JOIN THE WULF PACK!
"Super-Duper Moongirl and the Amazing Moon Dawdler" won Best SFF Story of 2019! Read it in Writers of the Future, Vol. 35. Order HERE!
Need writing help? My award-winning SUPER SECRETS articles are FREE in DreamForge.
IT’S HERE! Many have been begged me to publish the Super Secrets of Writing. How to Write a Howling Good Story is now a #1 BESTSELLING BOOK! Get yours at your favorite retailer HERE!

 
Posted : October 10, 2019 1:25 pm
(@wulfmoon)
Posts: 3143
Platinum Plus Moderator
Topic starter
 

Storysinger, will get to yours soon! I had a paid editing job I had to complete today (yeah, that's happening now). What's our count at now, SwiftPotato?

FYI, I've been getting comments that the KILL YOUR DARLINGS exercises are extremely high quality. People are really impressed with your stories, gang! Great work, and way to hustle!

Still time for more people to enter this year's challenge! It's all about getting published this year, in WotF, and in respectable markets! Don't miss out! Applications and submissions materials accepted until midnight, October 20th. After that, THE DOOR IS SHUT!

Don't forget to get your workbooks! HOW I GOT PUBLISHED AND WHAT I LEARNED ALONG THE WAY. Or Kevin J. Anderson's NANOWRIMO Storybundle (it's not much more, and worth it in my opinion). You can start on your first assignment when you get it--to read David Farland's article and focus on how he won so many contests. THERE WILL BE A TEST! WITH CHAINSAWS! TWO GO IN! ONE COMES OUT! TWO GO IN! ONE COMES OUT!

All the beast,

Beastmaster Moon

Click here to JOIN THE WULF PACK!
"Super-Duper Moongirl and the Amazing Moon Dawdler" won Best SFF Story of 2019! Read it in Writers of the Future, Vol. 35. Order HERE!
Need writing help? My award-winning SUPER SECRETS articles are FREE in DreamForge.
IT’S HERE! Many have been begged me to publish the Super Secrets of Writing. How to Write a Howling Good Story is now a #1 BESTSELLING BOOK! Get yours at your favorite retailer HERE!

 
Posted : October 10, 2019 1:34 pm
SwiftPotato
(@swiftpotato)
Posts: 585
Silver Star Member
 

What's our count at now, SwiftPotato?

I've got eight on my list:

officer
thegirlintheglasses
RSchibler
SwiftPotato
AJZach
CCrawford
Retropianoplayer
storysinger

If there's someone I'm missing, please let me know!!

R, 3rd place Q4 v36!!!
Stories in Apocalyptic, Cossmass Infinites x2! PodCastle, Spirit Machine; forthcoming in Beneath Ceaseless Skies, Apex Magazine, Human Monsters

 
Posted : October 10, 2019 2:35 pm
(@wulfmoon)
Posts: 3143
Platinum Plus Moderator
Topic starter
 

Thanks for the members tally, Swift! Reposting the challenge here because it got buried pages back in all the excellent Flash submissions!
Here we go! ONLY NINE DAYS LEFT TO ENTER!

Moon's SUPER SECRET Bonus Challenge! Vol. 37 STARTS HERE! (No it didn't, it's a few pages back. This is a repost so you can find it!)

A battle-scarred lycanthrope in his wolfish form rests upon his throne of skulls deep in the hallowed caverns of his lair. He lifts a gnarled staff crowned with a glowing orb; its silvered glow illuminates yellowed ivory fangs as his lips curl back and he opens his maw.

“Ah, it appears the decapitated bodies in the halls before this one did not deter you.” His eyes kindle. You feel stripped to your soul in its fire. “Perhaps you do have the ancient blood of conquerors flowing through your veins that will help you survive this challenge.” And then he smiles, a look shared only with prey about to be devoured. “You will, of course, have to prove yourself.”

He rises, shadows fleeing as he points the staff at a wall, the orb igniting in bright, silvery moonlight. Amber glyphs radiate in response, and you know the concepts each represent, because they glow the same within your heart.

The werebeast's voice rings out like a death knell. “BEHOLD! Moon’s SUPER SECRET Bonus Challenge, Vol. 37. May you have what it takes to conquer.”

_________________________________

And here we are again, Challenge Beasties! We launch Moon’s SUPER SECRETS Bonus Challenge, Vol. 37! The foundation of this challenge? Repeat after me: WRITE FRESH ORIGINAL STORIES! I’m sorry, I can’t hear you. Again, and this time, with feeling. WRITE FRESH ORIGINAL STORIES! Ah, thank you, I heard you that time. Honestly, I wasn’t sure why you were here at first. Now, I know.

Actually, I didn’t know. The challenges take much time for me, time I should be writing. My wife reminds me of this most of all, and she’s right, except for one thing.

I am one of you. I came from here. And I don’t believe in leaving anyone behind, not if they are willing to do the work and are simply asking for a helping hand. I believe I can shorten your learning curve and save you some of the pain I experienced from the school of hard knocks. Maybe I can even save you a knock or two, because that’s what friends do. They help one another.

And you can help me. All of you can. I wasn’t sure if I should do this again. But many responded to my polling query at the end of the past challenge--many from behind the scenes as well--that had been reading all these posts and Secrets and said how much they had helped them, some saying they wouldn’t be writing and entering the contest again were it not for these Secrets. And then Joni Labaqi, the contest coordinator, wrote me a few days ago, and that clinched it. She said the Super Secrets are working, don’t change a thing! And so I go on....

I will change one thing. We are going to double our efforts. Four fresh stories in one year’s time is not enough (but it was a noble start!), you are not getting where you need to be fast enough. So this year, we are doubling the requirements. EIGHT FRESH ORIGINAL STORIES. Does that sound like a lot? Yes, for mere mortals. But you want to become a professional writer, don’t you? That’s a drop in the bucket for a professional writer--but again, it’s a noble start! Are you with me? Good. Then here we go!

The Challenge:

In the WotF Vol. 37 calendar year, you must write TWO FRESH ORIGINAL STORIES each quarter, each story 3000 words minimum. The objective is that you will have TWO original stories to choose your submission for that quarter from. You will send one story to WotF, and “kill the spare!” No, wait, that’s Voldemort. If you’ve done your work right, that spare may very well be Harry Potter. We need his lifeblood. Because we’re sending him out into the real world of publishing, and he’s going to have to stand on his own. So the alternate story? You send that one off to a respectable paying market. That’s the rule. And at the end of the quarter, you are a responsible member. We don’t have to hunt you down. You post that you submitted one story to WotF, and one of those fresh, original stories to a respectable paying market. I’ll have a list provided for suggestions on what “respectable” means to me. There’s more, I know. It’s just to help.

One caveat this year. You may have just gotten a Silver HM, or have a trunk story that you really feel if you touched it up a bit, it might have a chance winning the contest. This challenge won’t hold you back from that. But you do have to write TWO original stories regardless, and send at least one to market in that case.

If you have never sent a story to market, don’t worry, I’m going to help you figure it out. You see, this year, I figure you’re past the mechanics of trying to figure out HOW to write a good story; this year, I’m going to focus on teaching you how to SELL a good story.

The Requirements:

This is an advanced course. At college, in order to take advanced courses, you have to meet basic requirements so admissions understands that you are, shall we say, THE RIGHT STUFF. It is no different here. In order to take this challenge, you must:

1. Read the basics of the prior numbered SUPER SECRETS from the Volume 36 year. A hyperlinked table of contents has been provided. This is so you understand the basics of creating a professional story. Don’t worry, I don’t expect people to be at the same level. But I do expect you to do your homework and understand the basics before undertaking this challenge. And you do have to believe the overall approach is something compatible to your own beliefs, or why take a course where I’m going to be drilling down on these more? Make sense? Good.

2. You must watch Dr. Jerry Pournelle’s video and again agree with the basic premise: you need to write fresh, original stories. Lots of them. And stop endlessly reworking old stories. You are moving forward as a writer. You want to level up. You believe this is the next stage. Here is where Joni posted the video. It’s short. https://www.writersofthefuture.com/jerr ... i=77104938

3. You must study the SUPER SECRET: Kill Your Darlings exercise. And then you must do all three phases based on ONE of two prompts: either DECEPTION or BLACK WIDOW.

4. You must post here by midnight Pacific (contest time), October 20th, in one post, just your 500 and your 250. Begin with “I’m in.” And then, format your pieces like this: My 500 titled “Black Widow Night” or some such, and then make it readable, meaning you’ll have to add line spaces to separate out paragraphs and dialog in here. THEN, same post, you’ll write: My 250 titled “Black Widow Night” and more of the same. This is your entrance exam. This is your proof you are capable of doing the work and meeting deadlines. Fail to post by midnight Pacific by October 20th, and we know you aren’t interested, move along, these aren’t the droids we’re looking for. : )

5. You agree to have a share in commentary, and to responsibly post your having met the requirements each quarter. You want accountability, and you want to share in positive discussion about how we can apply and learn from ideas shared. You want to be a valuable member, helping cheer other members on in this goal of getting professionally published, whether through Writers of the Future, or through other esteemed venues. It does no one any good to have members we don’t hear from until the end of the year. Additionally, we don’t mind hearing from outsiders from time to time (I’m happy you’re here), but if you do comment, please make sure commentary is meant to encourage these runners in this sprint they have challenged themselves with. And, I might add, the coach leading them—this challenge is challenging for me to run as well. Comments should put wind in one another’s sails, not shred their sails. We want to help all reach the horizon this challenge has set for them.

6. We will have homework and discussion. Our workbook for this will be HOW I GOT PUBLISHED AND WHAT I LEARNED ALONG THE WAY by Camden Park Press. You’ll see why we’re using it as we go along if you can’t tell from the title. Most courses at college require you to obtain a textbook, and then pay a lot of money for the class. This class is free. The textbook we’re using is only $4.99 on Kindle. Our first assignment is to read David Farland’s essay—he is the WotF contest coordinator after all. Here’s the link: http://www.Books2Read.com/howigotpublished .

You might wish to get the book in Kevin J. Anderson’s NANOWRIMO STORYBUNDLE. For a few dollars more (bundle purchase by donation so you choose your price), you get this book, plus the latest writing books from around five WotF judges. It’s an excellent deal, and a great bundle for building your knowledge (wasn’t that one of my Secrets? Study your judges?). Here’s the link for The 2019 Nanowrimo Tools Storybundle: https://storybundle.com/nano

Finally, it goes without saying you must have the time to take on the added requirements. This is double what we did for Volume 36. It’s not meant to stress you out; it’s meant to challenge your abilities. If this goal seems within reach, reach for it. If not, don’t put unnecessary stress on yourself, you can still read long and cheer the runners in the race on to the finish line!

I look forward to seeing what our challenge beasties accomplish this year. Last year, we saw much good from the challenge. Many said the challenge was the reason they are writing again and submitting to the contest. Members said they learned things they had never understood about writing before. While the verdict is still out for Q4, we had two finalists come from our group, as well as many other honor levels. This year, I believe, will prove even better, because we are seeking results both from the Writers of the Future Contest, and from other markets as well.

So think hard about ALL the requirements. If you believe this is for you, you know what to do. You have until October 20th, and then THE DOOR IS SHUT!

So get in. Now’s the time.

All the beast!

Beastmaster Moon * SUPER DUPER BONUS CHALLENGE: In addition to the above, commit to ONE fresh, original flash story PER MONTH that you put through the KILL YOUR DARLINGS exercise (Super Secret #33) using one of my weekly Monday prompts. This means at the end of the year you'll have EIGHT fresh original short stories, and TWELVE fresh Flash stories, TWENTY new stories in all! You don't have to show these on the topic, we trust you. You just have to commit this month to the Super Duper Bonus and report your progress on this bonus flash challenge each month or each quarter, whatever works for you. These take time, just like short stories, but I believe they will help you advance if you do them regularly. You can post like this: Flash Challenge: 1/12. Have at it if you feel you have the writing time. *

Click here to JOIN THE WULF PACK!
"Super-Duper Moongirl and the Amazing Moon Dawdler" won Best SFF Story of 2019! Read it in Writers of the Future, Vol. 35. Order HERE!
Need writing help? My award-winning SUPER SECRETS articles are FREE in DreamForge.
IT’S HERE! Many have been begged me to publish the Super Secrets of Writing. How to Write a Howling Good Story is now a #1 BESTSELLING BOOK! Get yours at your favorite retailer HERE!

 
Posted : October 10, 2019 8:00 pm
(@wulfmoon)
Posts: 3143
Platinum Plus Moderator
Topic starter
 

Comments on "Jenna's Deception." Challenge submission requirements by Storysinger.

Well, you guys keep proving in these you can say the same story with half the words, and yours is no exception, Storysinger. Well done! I like the term "immaculate deception," very witty, and very appropriate for this story. You have a science fiction tale here--cloning her dead husband--and a flight scene and escape plot. Her plan fails--a tragedy--but we saw that coming. The corporation that made her "son" is going to want their money, or they will repossess their goods on default.

Some things to think about. It's not common to have escape hatches in closets that conveniently lead to tunnels and subways. So you need to set something like this up ahead of time. Working in more sensory details helps immerse us in your world as well. Plot twists are always pleasant surprises, and I'd definitely work some in here. Perhaps the company has a "dead man" switch in the boy, and failure to pay or leaving a certain perimeter with him will cause his death. Lots of things can be done to up the tension. Even having the man in the tunnel be more aggressive, pull a knife or gun, block their path, any of these things make THINGS GET WORSE. Those are good words to tape to your monitor.

So there's a few helpful thoughts, good work on telling your same story with HALF the words, and I'm very happy to have you join our challenge!

OH KEEPER OF THE RECORDS! KEEPER? HELLO? HELLOO-OOO? GREAT, IT'S 4:25 A.M. HER TIME, SHE'S CURLED UP IN A BALL SOMEWHERE. OH, I'LL JUST DO IT! HOLD OUT YOUR HAND, STORYSINGER. DON'T WORRY, I DON'T BITE CHALLENGE MEMBERS, YOU'D ALL TURN INTO HOWLING BEASTS AND I'D NEVER GET ANY REST. LET ME JUST PIERCE YOU WITH A CLAW--HOLD STILL, YOU BIG BABY! THERE, WAS THAT SO BAD? STORYSINGER, I HEREBY WRITE YOUR NAME IN BLOOD ON THE WALL OF OATHS. WELCOME TO THE WULF PACK!

Click here to JOIN THE WULF PACK!
"Super-Duper Moongirl and the Amazing Moon Dawdler" won Best SFF Story of 2019! Read it in Writers of the Future, Vol. 35. Order HERE!
Need writing help? My award-winning SUPER SECRETS articles are FREE in DreamForge.
IT’S HERE! Many have been begged me to publish the Super Secrets of Writing. How to Write a Howling Good Story is now a #1 BESTSELLING BOOK! Get yours at your favorite retailer HERE!

 
Posted : October 10, 2019 8:31 pm
SwiftPotato
(@swiftpotato)
Posts: 585
Silver Star Member
 

OH KEEPER OF THE RECORDS! KEEPER? HELLO? HELLOO-OOO? GREAT, IT'S 4:25 A.M. HER TIME, SHE'S CURLED UP IN A BALL SOMEWHERE. OH, I'LL JUST DO IT! HOLD OUT YOUR HAND, STORYSINGER. DON'T WORRY, I DON'T BITE CHALLENGE MEMBERS, YOU'D ALL TURN INTO HOWLING BEASTS AND I'D NEVER GET ANY REST. LET ME JUST PIERCE YOU WITH A CLAW--HOLD STILL, YOU BIG BABY! THERE, WAS THAT SO BAD? STORYSINGER, I HEREBY WRITE YOUR NAME IN BLOOD ON THE WALL OF OATHS. WELCOME TO THE WULF PACK!

You wake once more to see a new name already on the wall: STORYSINGER. This one looks bigger than the others, as if it were half-carved with some huge claw...

R, 3rd place Q4 v36!!!
Stories in Apocalyptic, Cossmass Infinites x2! PodCastle, Spirit Machine; forthcoming in Beneath Ceaseless Skies, Apex Magazine, Human Monsters

 
Posted : October 10, 2019 11:25 pm
(@peter_glen)
Posts: 143
Bronze Star Member
 

I really enjoyed this exercise ... a challenge that has opened my eyes to the benefit of fewer words (will never approach my first edit the same way again!) ... the 250-word version is a rewrite in a style you might find in late 19th century adventure prose.

Theme: Deception
Title: General Firth

500 ====

Eleven dead men. One dead woman. Bloodied bodies scattered upon the less traveled road; horses too. The mystery of their deaths sent a chill down San’s spine.

Beasts? Men? If men, then who, as the soldiers had been Fordic, and they had left their destroyed enemy behind; San should know, they had laid waste to her town. Now, they held all land west of the Divide.

Autumn leaves shifted as a cold wind bit through her clothes and burnt her cheeks.

She passed the dead woman, and the cold stare stopped San in her tracks. She spat, “your fire, your swords, you’ve taken everything from me!” A cold fly buzzed onto the woman’s face. San softened, see what your waring has gotten you?

She shut the eyes, noticing that there was no visible wound. The misbent arm gripped to a saddle bag showed that the fighter had fallen from her horse.

Her stomach growled as she rummaged through the pack; inside was everything needed for the long road ahead. She looked to the fine woolens under the chainmail, the cloak too would be useful in the snow; fine boots would be warmer also.

It took longer than she liked, but San had transformed herself into a warrior, albeit, in appearance only. She dragged the lifeless, naked body down a gully and covered it with sticks and leaves.

It was nearing dusk when she heard hooves chasing up from behind; it was too late to hide. The rider, a handsome young man in uniform, pulled to a halt before her. “General Firth!

“I saw your company and held hope that you still lived.” The man was panting heavily as if the horse had been riding him.

“Forgive me, my Lord.” The soldier dismounted and fell to one knee. San was stunned and speechless.

The young man stood, “How callous of me. You’ve been unsettled by your ordeal. Please, again, forgive me. I am Jeremy, squire to Sir Ruskin, before he fell. They sent me to give you a message.

“But that can wait. Let me escort you. I am yours to command.” He reverted to his kneel.

San had recovered, “You’ve ridden hard, would you like a drink?” She asked, reaching for the dead general’s wineskin.

In awe, the squire answered, “I had heard that you were a benevolent leader, my Lord, but I am fine. Take my horse? I will run.”

They continued, spending days on the road. During their journey, they became friends, laughing at each other’s jokes, taking turns at camp duties.

At breakfast, on the last day before they reached the high pass, Jeremy, with his dirk in hand while slicing a piece from an apple, asked, “my Lord, I am curious.”

San’s heart stopped, something, besides the breeze had changed; smoke from the campfire drifted into her face.

“This whole time, you haven’t asked me for your message?” Jeremy tilted his head, bit the apple from the point of his blade,“my Lord?”

250 ====

The girl, in flight from her ruined town, found eleven dead men and one dead woman down the road less travelled. They had befallen a bloody assault, and the mystery chilled the young refugee to her bones.

Autumn leaves shifted as a cold wind bit through the girl’s clothes and burnt her cheeks. She craved protection from the cold and so, without a thought to robbing from the dead, took the woman’s clothes, chain, and cloak. It may have been a rush of guilt or gratitude that made the body a rustic grave of sticks and leaves.

Now a warrior (by appearances only), the town girl, continued her march down the disused road when she was startled from behind by the rush of hooves. A rider pulled up fast before her, and the young, handsome man exclaimed with joy, “General Firth, you live! I have a message from the west!”

But the girl was confused and confessed naught. Presently, the squire thought nothing of his general’s strange behavior, as she had been through the shock of battle and the loss of her guard.

The pair rode on in tandem, camping along the side of the road for many days. Until, troubled by his thoughts, the friendly soldier asked, “My Lady, for all of these days, not once have you asked of the message I was to deliver to you in person. Are you not curious?”

He drew his dagger and asked again, “My Lady?”

fin.

 
Posted : October 10, 2019 11:46 pm
Page 39 / 176
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